So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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