So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
