Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
