is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
