dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
