DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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