My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
