listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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