Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
