I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
