just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
