Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
