Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
