I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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