No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize