I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Someone signed my nipple.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
