I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
