Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
