go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
