dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
don't judge my taste in strippers
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
