that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
