I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
