I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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