doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
