tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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