I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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