my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
