I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
