You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Floor bacon is actually really good
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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