? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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