So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
