Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
handjob tips. give me some.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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