Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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