So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
