I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
