haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
