She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
