I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
