so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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