I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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