i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
