Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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