i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
