I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
