So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
