Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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