her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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