my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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