you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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