I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
