Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
