Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
