I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
