she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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