Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Blood and glitter go together right?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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