Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
