wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
