i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
