We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
