If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
