Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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