Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
