So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
