i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
