the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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