Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
