Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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