Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
