just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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