Nicole vs. Life
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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