Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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