I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
